One minute I want nothing to do with love or relationships, the next I’m seriously considering marriage, soon after I want nothing more than flings and short lived romances. Some body please knock me out.
|<p dir=ltr>||I started Seroxat instead of Effexor today, and wonder if anyone has tried it before. Note that I take it with Depakine as well</p>|
You know what sucks major balls? When you take a break from tumblr, then come back and find that most of the blog followers who used to message you as if they cared, and read your posts and comment, un-followed you. Lol.
Some people depend on tumblr strangers to live another day, but these are the wrong people to depend on or consider friends. Mainly us borderliners. We are often far too self centered, and attention is what we need, If you’re not around to give it, you’re off the list.
Touche’ borderliners, touche’.
There are days where I feel lost in a sea of thoughts, memories, and questions that truly don’t have a place in my present life. On such days I start analyzing my past, the mistakes I’ve made, the friends or lovers I’ve lost, the pain I felt and the lies I had to hear, or tell.
I wish I can just let go, as simply as one lets go of a leash attached to a wild animal. But I feel tied up and over powered, consumed and devoured by this hurricane of emotion.
Do I ever cross her mind, like she crosses mine?
Does he think of me when he listens to that song?
Those children who once couldn’t let go of my hand, would they recognize me if they saw my face?
What would happen if I let my self drift away with these waves of wonder… where would it lead me… is it fair to think of an old lover when I have one today who means the world to me? Why do I feel things so strongly, and why does something that I know is insignificant today causing me so much pain? I don’t like how my heart works, or how my mind tries to manipulate it.
My entry is probably confusing because I am confused. I want to stop thinking about the past but I’m being swallowed by it. I can’t forget all the tears I made him shed when I broke his heart, and I can’t forget the lies we told each other to maintain a shred of possibility, a small shimmer of hope.
I don’t understand why someone who I betrayed could love me so much, and how he can accept the things I had done to him, or why in the world he would want me back.
I don’t understand how anyone could love me, or need me in their lives.
All these questions are not asked in search for an answer; I know that no answer will satisfy me. Nothing can ever be convincing enough to please me.
On days such as this one, I try to drown out these feelings with music but music only ignites new ones. I crave the taste of alcohol, but I promised my self not to go near it because I only ever hurt my self and others when I do.
I just want peace of mind, and I hate being alone when I’m feeling this way. I hate how I am alone most of the time.
- Jenny, TheBorderLineChick
No one gives a shit, not really.